How quickly things change

We had not told hardly anyone that we had rescheduled Allan's flight for yesterday. Tiring of having to give so many people disappointing news time and time again, decided this time we would wait until we had good news to share. The network between here and Uganda has been really terrible the past week or so and it's been incredibly difficult to get through to Jamil. I had spoken to Jamil about two hours before the flight was to leave and he assured me that Allan would be on that plane. We waited and waited, closer and closer to 2:00 p.m. when the plane would depart and no phone call came. We never could get through, trying and trying until 5:00. I called KLM to see if they could verify if Allan had gotten on the plane. To our elation they confirmed he had! We called again two hours later and again were told that "yes, he is on the plane." We told the children, made numerous phone calls and went to bed in an utter state of peace.

We really wanted to hear from Jamil though and we finally did at 1:00 a.m. Allan was NOT on the plane. I could tell the moment I answered the phone from Jamil's voice that it was not good news. We were crushed! Weeping, we sat in disgust wondering how on earth this could have happened. I have paid an additional fee for KLM to monitor Allan while flying and did not remotely understand how they could have told me he was on the plane when in fact he was not. Jamil was at the airport when he called and told me that if I could reschedule he'd get Allan on the plane. We chose to try again, just not knowing when or if we'll ever be able to say, no. The last two times we've rescheduled the airline has not charged us.

Today, we waited and waited and finally got through to Jamil, explaining with all the courage we could muster that this was it. If Allan was not on that plane we really did not know what we could do. I called Jamil right before I went to work and he told me that Allan was at the doctor for his stomach. I panicked thinking he might have malaria again and he assured me that was not the problem. He said that his stomach just ached.

I discovered about three hours later after talking to Jamil again that Allan had not eaten for three days! They have not had any money to buy him food and he's just been drinking water from the local well. I was in total shock. I have sent money before for Jamil to buy him food but he had not asked in several weeks so I just assumed he was getting what he needed. I spoke to Allan a little bit and he just cried and cried saying his stomach ached. I cried right along with him and said, "baby, please just get on that plane, they'll feed you soon and once you're here you'll have all the food you need." That was the last contact I had with them today. We have been unable to get through for the last 5 hours and still have no idea if Allan got on the plane although I would have to say my heart tells me no. I cannot obviously check with KLM since their information yesterday was grossly wrong.

Ella, MT and I just returned from HEB where we spent $145 on groceries that more than likely will last us for the next 3 days or so. As I wandered up and down the aisles, tears came to my eyes several times, just trying to grasp a life where food was not readily available. My children have no concept of true empty stomachs, they are able to literally walk into a walk in pantry that is always full of food, maybe not always with what they're craving at the moment but there is always food in the pantry and food in the refrigerator.

My heart is just so full of sorrow right now. I came home from work and laid down on the bed by Mark and just wept. I just don't know how much more of this we can take and yet the thought of giving up seems equally unbearable. How can we say "no more" to a child who needs so much and rightly deserves a chance to lead a life that holds promises God desires for all his children?